Sexy as hell
by misseeweasley
Summary: Harry's a tease, Draco's delectable, Remus and Sirius are doing god knows what, Hermione and Ron are cute. Just read it, hopefully it'll give you a laugh. Rated for language.


Summary: Harry's a tease, Draco's delectable, Remus and Sirius are doing god knows what, Hermione and Ron are cute. Just read it, I promise you'll like it.

Disclaimer: It's not mine, nuggets. Anything recognisable is JKR's.

Rating: T.

Harry glanced at the Slytherin table for the hundredth time that morning, eyes focusing on a certain delectable blonde.  
>It's surely illegal to be that attractive, Harry thinks. It's worse because Malfoy doesn't even realise what he does to Harry.<br>He doesn't realise that every time Malfoy's face lights up with that heartbreaker smile, Harry's stomach tightens and his lips twitch upwards, wishing to know why the world had deserved that smile. He doesn't know that when he bites his bottom lip in concentration or nervousness, Harry goes a little crazy. He doesn't know that when Draco - what? he's having fantasies about the boy, he's allowed to call him by his first name - wears his quidditch uniform before a game, it takes every ounce of Harry's self control to stop himself from jumping the Slytherin.  
>Harry wanted him bad. As he watched the boy smile at Pansy Parkinson, he realised he didn't just want his body. Harry wanted everything with Draco. He wanted to tell him all his secrets, and hear the other boys in return. He wanted to fall asleep beside him, safe in the knowledge that he'd be there when he woke up.<br>"Potter, for Christ's sake stop staring at me!" The object of his thoughts yelled across the hall, alerting all the members of the other houses.  
>"What? I'm not staring, why would I stare at you? God, you're such a Ferret!" Harry babbled, flustered that Draco had noticed. Draco stood up and smirked, making Harry's pants a little tight. The entire student body and faculty were now watching the two 'eighth years' with interest.<br>"Like what you see, do you?" Draco said, smirk becoming more pronounced.  
>"That's ridiculous, Malfoy." Hermione said from beside Harry.<br>"Well, Potter?" Draco pushed, something unreadable flickering in his eyes.  
>Harry slowly regained his composure, and took a deep breath.<br>"Hermione's right, you're ridiculous."  
>"You're the one staring, Scarhead." Draco said, before sitting down again, wondering why he had reacted so badly.<p>

Flying was the only time Harry really had to himself. With the press following his every move, and his friends and family watching for any signs of him falling back into his post-war depression. As he looped around the goalposts, Harry thought about his and Draco's interaction this morning. Draco really was yummy when he was angry. What was bugging him was that expression he had on his face. Harry replayed it in his mind, the look Draco had in his eyes when he spoke to Harry. It was almost, dare he say it, hopeful?  
>"No." Harry said aloud, not letting himself get his hopes up.<p>

Although Harry had defeated the Dark Lord and the Wizarding World was returning to normal, a few people were still bitter. Namely, Slytherins. Namely, the two Slytherins seated in the quidditch stands watching Harry Potter fly. Unfortunately, Harry was so deep in thought that he wasn't aware of their presence. This means that he wasn't able to protect himself from the harsh curse that was shouted at him.  
>"SECTUMSEMPRA!" Gregory Goyle bellowed, knocking Potter off his broom, which was above the stands.<br>"What the hell do you think you're doing?" was the last thing Harry heard before he fell to the ground, and was knocked unconscious.

The first thing Harry was aware of was that his head was pounding and his chest ached. The second was that this was definitely not his bed. The final, and most important, was that his hand was being held by an unknown being with extremely soft hands. He opened his eyes slowly, the hospital wing coming into view. What had he gotten himself into now? Then it all came back to him. He'd been flying, thinking of Draco when he was cursed and fell from his broom. Bloody hell, he was lucky to be alive.  
>His eyes travelled to the hand holding his, and saw pale skin. He followed the hand all the way up to the person, seeing a head of blonde hair rested on an arm. Okay, so maybe he wasn't alive, Harry thought as he stared at a sleeping Draco Malfoy. If this was heaven, then Harry would have died much earlier.<br>"Mr Potter! Lovely to see you're awake!" Called the voice of Madame Pomfrey, waking Draco.  
>"Madame Pomfrey? Why are you here?" Harry asked, confused.<br>"Well, that was quite a bump on the head." The mediwitch murmured, rolling her eyes.  
>"Seriously, why are you in my heaven?"<br>"This isn't heaven, Mr Potter." the normally stern witch said, giggling quietly. Harry was officially confused.  
>Draco laughed quietly beside him, before realising he was still holding Harry's hand and moving away.<br>"I'll just - um, - I'll - bye." Draco said, before he fled the room.  
>Harry felt dizzy and confused, and was falling asleep as they spoke.<p>

He left the hospital two days later. He still remembered the weird dream he'd had about heaven and Draco Malfoy, but wasn't at all surprised by it. He dreamt about Draco regularly.  
>"So, have I missed much?" Harry asked Ron at dinner the day he was released.<br>"Not much. Seamus and Dean argued again, then had really loud make up sex. Which was awkward. Remus and Sirius haven't left their room for a week, just like on their last anniversary." They both shared a knowing look then. The two professors did this every year around their anniversary, choosing to stay in bed the whole week. "Ginny and Neville are still all loved up. Same old, same old." Ron finished.  
>"All's well then. Where's Hermione?" Harry asked, finishing his treacle tart.<br>"Where do you think? I'd worry she's cheating on me if it were anyone else."  
>"To the library then." Harry said, glancing at Draco before leaving the hall with Ron. Draco had been acting weirdly all day, avoiding Harry in corridors and not starting any fights with him. Harry shrugged, thinking Malfoy must be tired or something.<br>They arrived at the library quickly, and spotted Hermione in her usual location. Ron kissed the top of her head and handed her a cupcake he'd got from the Great Hall. They really were a sweet couple, Harry mused as Hermione smiled at her boyfriend.  
>"Hey, Harry." She said, turning to him and smiling. "How're you feeling?"<br>"I'm alright. I just want to know how Goyle got hold of that curse. I thought it was a secret." Dumbledore had visited Harry in the hospital wing, informing him that it was in fact Goyle who cat the curse, and he had now been expelled for serious harm on another student.  
>Harry ran a hand through his tousled hair, looking scarily like his father.<br>"Well, that book's been in school since Snape was here; maybe he saw it before you. Or maybe Draco told him." Hermione said, referring to the Half-Blood Prince's book. Harry blushed and felt overwhelming guilt at the reminder of The Bathroom Incident. He wished he'd never hurt Draco.  
>"Draco?" Ron asked from beside Hermione.<br>"Malfoy? Slytherin? Sexy as hell?" Hermione said, laughing at Ron.  
>"Since when is he Draco? And since when the hell is that ferret 'Sexy as hell'?"<br>"Since we became study partners. Honestly Ron, do you ever pay attention?" Hermione said.  
>"And since always." Harry blurted out, answering his latter question.<br>"Um, what mate?" Ron said asked, Hermione just smiling at Harry knowingly.  
>"I said that out loud, didn't I?"<br>"You sure did, Potter." Said a voice from behind him. Harry dropped his head on the table, knowing exactly who that voice belonged to.  
>"Thanks for that lovely description, Hermione." Draco Malfoy said, before sitting down between Harry and Hermione.<br>"Hey Ron, I have a book I want to show you." Hermione said, pulling on her boyfriend's hand.  
>"Hermione, I hate reading -" He stopped after Hermione gave him a meaningful look. "I mean, great, lets go."<br>As they left, Hermione winked at Draco.  
>"Potter?" Draco said softly to the mass of ebony hair on the table.<br>Harry slowly lifted his head, avoiding Draco's eyes and blushing. "Go ahead, mock me."  
>"Why would I mock you?"<br>Harry kept his eyes down. "Because I stare at you, because I have dreams about you, because I just called you sexy as hell." He said, looking the picture of heartbreak.  
>"Why did you think it was heaven?" Draco said after a few minutes, going back to Harry's dream.<br>"How do you know that? It was a dream.."  
>"No, Harry. It was real."<br>Harry's lips twitched upwards at the use of his first name.  
>"So you really were there?" He asked.<br>"Yes." Draco said.  
>"That's why."<br>"Why what?"  
>"Why it was heaven." Harry replied, finally lifting his eyes to meet the grey ones of the person beside him.<br>"Oh."  
>"Why were you holding my hand? Why were you there?" Harry asked, as that same expression from before the accident flicked across Draco's face.<br>"I saved you, when you were falling, I cast a cushioning charm, healed the wounds as well as I could, and took you to Madame Pomfrey." He said shyly, before adding; "I was worried about you."  
>"But, why?" Harry asked.<br>"Because, well - I like you." Draco blurted out.  
>Harry's smile after that could have blinded everyone in the vicinity.<br>"Do you like me too?" Draco asked, eyes filled with hope.  
>"Nope." Harry said, realising something.<br>"Oh, oh right.. My mistake, I guess.." Draco said, going red. Harry had never seen the boy so raw and vulnerable.  
>"Draco. I don't like you."<br>"We've established this, potter. Merlin, way to crush a guy -"  
>"I love you." Harry murmured.<br>Draco was speechless for about five seconds, before his bloody heartbreaker smile broke over his face.  
>They both sat there for a moment, smiling widely at each other. Then Draco's smile turned to a smirk.<br>"So you do like what you see, then? I knew it."  
>"I swear to god, Draco. If you don't wipe that smirk off your face right now I will jump you right here in the library." Harry said, his pants tightening again.<br>Draco smirked even more, making Harry squirm.  
>"Sod it." Harry said quietly, before getting up and straddling Draco, his lips attaching to the blonde's. Their first kiss. It wasn't all fireworks and tenderness and love. But it was perfect for them. It was passionate and confident and heated. Their lips moved together, as if they had been waiting forever to do so. Draco's hand moved under Harry's shirt, feeling his toned back muscles and soft skin. Harry pulled away and rested his forehead against Draco's.<br>"Gods, Draco. Do you have any idea what you do to me?" He panted.  
>"You're one to talk. If I have to watch you eat treacle tart one more time, I'll probably orgasm right there."<br>Harry laughed, before leaning down to whisper in Draco's ear.  
>"It's dinner time. Guess what I'm having?" He said seductively, before climbing off Draco's lap and skipping out the library. He was going to make Draco squirm.<p>

Arriving in the Great Hall, he walked over to the Gryffindor table and sat down between Hermione and Seamus, opposite Ron.  
>"Have fun, Harry?" Hermione said, giggling, as Draco took his seat on the Slytherin table, him and Harry facing each other.<br>"Oh yes." Harry said, grinning, before realising. "Hermione!"  
>"Yes?" She said innocently.<br>"You set this up? You knew?"  
>"Yes."<br>"Well, thank you." Harry said earnestly.  
>"You deserve to be happy."<br>"She's right, mate. Even if it's with Ferret." Ron added.  
>"You guys are amazing."<br>"We know." they said in unison.  
>Their reply was lost on Harry however, as he realised that pudding had finally been served. He took a slice of treacle tart, and put some on his fork. The treacle dripped onto his finger however, so he sucked it off slowly, making sure to close his eyes in pleasure. Draco's eyes widened across the room. Harry took a bite, and then ran his Tongue slowly over his lips, removing the treacle. After he finished the pie, he used his finger to gather the remnants of treacle, and then wrapped his mouth around his finger, looking right at Draco as he did so.<br>Harry read Draco's lips as he said "Fuck." before standing up and walking out the hall.  
>Harry grinned. "Excuse me."<br>"See ya', Harry." Seamus said, winking before kissing Dean on the cheek and whispering in his ear.  
>"Bye mate." Ron said, Hermione too engrossed in a book to speak.<br>Harry had only just reached the doors when a hand pulled him through and shoved him against the wall. Lips were immediately attached to his, Draco's warm body flush against his own.  
>"Harry Potter." Draco said, panting heavily. "You are a bloody tease."<br>"Oh, I'm sorry, Draco. I had no idea." Harry said, laughing silently.  
>Draco growled and recaptured Harry's lips.<br>"Mr Potter? Mr Malfoy? If you could refrain from doing that in the hallway, that'd be lovely." Said a voice behind them, causing the boys to pull apart and turn around. Stood behind them were Remus Lupin, who had just spoken, Sirius Black, who was winking at Harry, and a large portion of the student body, who were mostly trying not to laugh.  
>Draco regained his composure fastest, turning to the two adults.<br>"Finally left your room, did you professors?" He said, smirking. That did it. Harry, Sirius, and all the students burst out laughing, and soon Remus and Draco were too.

"At least we didn't really have to deal with coming out to everyone, Harry." Draco said later that night as they lay in his bed, entwining his hand with Harry's and smiling.  
>"Love you." Harry said.<br>"Love you too." Draco replied, pecking Harry's cheek.  
>Harry looked beside him to his boyfriend Draco, who was wearing low slung pyjama pants and nothing else. He thought to himself, yep, it should definitely be illegal to be that attractive.<p>

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><p>I apologise for this, it's probably the weirdest thing i've ever written.<p>

I blame Draco Malfoy and how sexy he is, okay?

Please review. :)


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